I Know, Mom!

Except she doesn’t know.  I feel like I am failing at being a t1’s mom. I have already started to get complacent and feeling like “I got this.”  I emptied her lunch box this morning to repack it, only to find a wholly uneaten sandwich. “Angelina, did you take insulin for this yesterday?”  “Yes.” “Did you make up carbs for it?”  “No.” “You have to eat what you take insulin for, it’s not an option.”  “Mom, I know!  My blood sugar was fine after, I got a 100!”  “This time. Next time, you might get a coma.”

I know that wasn’t the right thing to say to her, but I don’t think she takes it seriously enough. She’s not scared. I think she needs to be at least a little scared. Not enough to stop living a relatively normal life, but enough that she takes this all more seriously.  I get that she’s a kid, and kids take very little seriously.  They have parents to do that for them.  But this…well, this is something that I’m not always going to be around to remind her so she has to learn to be responsible for it herself.

She’s still having lows from honeymoon.  Twice in the past week she’s been low and I gave her a snack (Smarties, her choice) to bring it up only to find out 15 minutes later when I go to recheck her BG that she didn’t eat the snack.  I haven’t been checking her lunch box as soon as she gets home from school to see what she ate for lunch.  This is my error.  This is where I’ve gotten complacent because she was doing so well at doing what needed to be done.  It seemed like she understood how important it was, and how serious the consequences could be if she didn’t.  She’s so f***ing intelligent that I think I forget sometimes that she’s still only 9 years old.

She and I were arguing this morning (and every morning) and she took her normal stance, like she knows so much better than me about everything.  My husband said something to her that really got to me.  He told her that she gets told she’s smart all the time, but she’s smart for a 4th grader.  She’s still stupid compared to a majority of adults.  Her telling me “I know!” all the time and acting like I know nothing and she knows everything is like an ant saying that to a human.  Because yeah, you’re smart kid, but your mom is a freaking genius compared to you, especially when it comes to this.

Days like these, I feel like I’m failing as a parent.  I’ve spent her whole life praising her for being smart, for letting her have free reign and letting her have a say.  Some day I will be proud of the strong-willed qualities she has because she’s less likely to give in to peer pressure.  She’s less likely to be a follower.  She’s a leader.  She’s outspoken and she has her own opinions.  But we’ve let her develop this ego.  She thinks that she’s invincible, that the rules don’t apply to her, that by being smart she can get away with anything.  I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security that she’s got it figured out, or will have it figured out.  But days like today, I am reminded that more than anything  she’s a kid and she needs us to remind her occasionally that sometimes, the rules do apply to her.  And being smart doesn’t change the way insulin or food effects her blood sugar.